What Forgiveness Isn't

Just last week, I posted an article/sermon on forgiveness. I was clearing my personal mailbox and came across another article on forgiveness in Today's Christian Woman Magazine. Did you know that there are myths about forgiveness?

Here are six myths that may be keeping us from letting go:

Myth 1: Forgiving Means the Offender Didn't Really Hurt You.
"Forgiveness is a redemptive response to having been wronged and wounded," wrote author Lewis B. Smedes. "Only those who have wronged and wounded us are candidates for forgiveness. If they injure us accidentally, we excuse them. We only forgive the ones we blame." Choosing to forgive the offender acknowledges the pain you endured at his hands. It also begins your healing.

Myth 2: Forgiving Means You Excuse the Offender's Hurtful Act.
When you chose to forgive the offender, you are not condoning his cruel behavior. Forgiveness is a response that seeks to redeem the hurt, not brush it off. An accidental "slip of the tongue" needs no forgiveness because it isn't deliberately caused. Intentional hurts need forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t lessen the impact of the offender’s painful action. But forgiveness unlocked your own "prison" of bitterness.

Myth 3: Before Forgiving, You Must First Understand Why the Offender Hurt You.
Our human mind yearns to make all the confusing puzzle pieces fit together neatly before we forgive. However, the truth is we can forgive an offender even if we never discover the reasons for the inflicted pain. Author Philip Yancey writes in What's So Amazing About Grace, "Not to forgive imprisons me in the past and locks out all potential for change. I thus yield control to another, my enemy, and doom myself to suffer the consequences of the wrong."

Myth 4: Before Forgiving the Offender, You Must Feel Forgiving.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with how you feel. You can feel hurt, betrayed, and angry, and still completely forgive the one who wounded you. Biblical forgiveness is an act of the will. It's a choice you make.

Can you still feel angry after you forgive? Yes! Anger means you're in touch with reality—it's part of being human. But be careful to aim that anger at what your offender did, not at the offender herself. Then let your anger push you toward justice.

Myth 5: Forgiving Means the Offender Will Face No Consequences.
When we choose to forgive someone, our forgiveness doesn't "let him off the hook." Forgiveness also doesn't mean justice shouldn't be served.

Myth 6: When Your Offender is Punished, You'll Find Closure.
We think we can more easily forgive others if they confess the crime and apologize for the pain they caused. But don't look to justice, imprisonment, or execution to bring needed closure and healing. Only forgiveness will do that.

The Choice to Forgive
The decision to forgive an offender is probably the hardest choice we can ever make. Some crimes seem too horrible to forgive. Our instincts tell us to avenge the person who caused us pain, not to release him from the debt he owes us. But as Christians, we can't afford to have unforgiving hearts, for we have been greatly forgiven by God in Christ (Ephesians 4:32).

Only forgiveness can release us from a life of hatred and bitterness. "Forgiving is a journey, sometimes a long one," wrote Lewis B. Smedes in Shame and Grace. "We may need some time before we get to the station of complete healing, but the nice thing is that we are being healed en route. When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover the prisoner we set free was us."

To read the whole article, go to: http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2006/004/14.38.html